INT.

We find Vanilla and Mr. Enjoyable, on a rainy afternoon passing the time with few rounds of their favorite card game, Go-Stud! Vanilla is enduring a brutal losing streak, and she groans as her thumbs run through her cards.

It isn’t long before she finds herself staring at a hand that had great potential, if only she hadn’t drawn a wild One-Eyed Jack on her last pick!

Fed up, tired of cruddy cards and desperate she decides to  CHEAT.

Her scheme, however, requires the assistance of that One Eyed Jack ~ more specifically, she needs him to masquerade as an Ace, which would make her hand a full house.

Unfortunately, for Ms. Vanilla this isn’t going to play out the way she “IMAGINES” it might.

Before we know it, a very cross and offended One Eyed Jack has defiled the rest of Vanilla’s cards, bitten her thumb and ripped himself from his 52 card prison to run amok.

The mean spirited Knave of Spades is now a free card! He is out from under the thumb of an oppressive King and Queen and above taking orders from an eight-year-old twerp. He’s disgruntled from being squeezed into hands led by other cards. He’s bitter about being discarded and overstepped by any fresh new ace. He’s got, value and he’s got his own ideas. He wants to create games that only ‘one eyes’ can play.

Before launching himself from the card table, in a fit of villainy, he stops to abuse Mr. Enjoyable, an innocent by-stander. Why? Simply, because he can. At the same time he taunts Vanilla, for she surely has no idea who she’s messing with.

He then cackles and bolts out of sight behind the living room door.

Vanilla finds herself in quite a pickle, quite a pickle indeed. All she wanted was a ‘slight adjustment’ to make a winning hand. Now she’s being hurled head long into a court-level melodrama and has created a monster!

She also can’t let it slip that it was her cheating intentions which pushed the game out of control.

While she thinks of a strategy to solve this problem she hastily, decides to send her gambling pieces in as “volunteers” to sniff out the situation. The gambling pieces, a Zero Bar, Root Beer Barrel and a Nut Cluster spring to her assistance but, unfortunately are no match for the Jack and quickly are gobbled up as follows;

Zero Bar (white chocolate) ~ Armed with a Rubber Cement Wrapping Phazer and a Silly Wads Stick jumps and rolls, heroically, to the front line and up to the door. With swiftness and agility he ducks into the unknown... a momentary pause … and BOOM!!!! The door comes unhinged and his wrapper, shredded and torn gently wafts out the crack.

KNAVE

“I’m one of the few who love white chocolate, really little girl thank you for the snack. You are so thought full! Muuuhhahahaha!”

The loss is hard for everyone, as their faces drop, but very hard for …..

Rudy (Root Beer Barrel) ~ He snaps! In a mess of sweet loyalty and tears, he hurls a 3Pronged Aerobe Dart into the door crack, ties the other end to Mr. Enjoyable, who then desperately clings onto a large chocolate chip cookie. Rudy then leaps onto the wire and sails down into the crack. Now we see what the Jack has been up to behind the door, and Rudy realizes he’s made a terrible mistake. As he turns to leave, the Jack appears behind him by turning his flat body perpendicular to the camera so; he is visible to the viewer and Rudy. The Jack grabs Rudy’s sides and takes a bite out of his tasty shell,

KNAVE

“Thanks for coming little fella, I was getting a little parched.” CRUNCH!!!!

RUDY

Wa.. wa.. waiuieeeeeaaahhhh!

The Nut Thing (coconut nut cluster) is left shaking on the table next to Vanilla – so nervous he squirts a little peanut butter mess and deflates with embarrassment. He doesn’t like this one bit and his eyes dart from Mr. E. to the door, Vanilla, door …. pause …. then back to Vanilla. Vanilla knows looking at the little guy that this ain’t gonna work. So she snatches the Nut Thing and pops him in her own mouth ~ she’ll be damned if that Jack is gonna keep eating all her loot.

With a mouth full, chewing and looking down at Mr. Enjoyable she says,

VANILLA

“What?….. I’m doin this myself, obviously!”.

The Jack laughs from behind the door. Vanilla looks up quickly,

VANILLA

hmmm … you think that’s funny; well we’ll see how much you're laughing when you tangle with 35lbs. of Puddin!

She flashes her P’dn Iron on T-shirt his way.

With the gambling pieces having been completely wiped out, Vanilla must figure another way to get the Jack to make peace and rejoin the game.

Meanwhile, the viewer gets a glimpse of the bizarre universe Jack has whipped up behind the closed door. In this place, filled with one-eyed creatures, the One Eyed Jack is the supreme dictator. Jack being the King and therefore, manager of his own land. Rule number one, anyone who crosses beyond the door participates here with only one eye, hence in two dimensions.

Jack sits in his Kingdom of One-Eyes with the left-overs of Rudy’s bottom half clutched firmly in his hands. He swallows down the rest in one gulp and wipes his mouth.

KNAVE

He, he ...35lbs of brainless puddin! Even with one eye it’s plain to see, I’m kickn’ yer butt… not you to me! If you want this Jack to bow down and become an ace, you gotta come in here and peel me from this comfortable place!

A cluster of one eyed creatures bobble and prance by him chattering,

CREATURES

Like this Jack? How’s this Jack? Can you sign this Jack? Stamp this Jack! Do you like this Jack? Is this what you mean by wild Jack? Look at me Jack!

Jack, rolls his eye, obviously burdened he retorts,

KNAVE

No not like that, more like this ….like … like, ok .. ok .. yep .. oh cripes! …this way! Not like that you fools!

Vanilla ventures into the world the Jack has created.

She pops through the door remaining 3D, not abiding by rule #1, and Jack immediately screams,

KNAVE

You are incorrigible! Really, stop your CHEATING; if you want to come in here you have to be flat like everyone else!

Vanilla sqeeps a startled response.

VANILLA

Oops! Sorry guys

She quickly turns to her side and both her eyes squirm over to the side of her little blockhead. She blinks in discomfort as her body settles into its new posture.

VANILLA

(nervously)

How’s this?

KNAVE

(scowl)

ONE EYE damit!

Vanilla’s eyes quiver and jiggle as if they are magnetized. Warrrble! Warble! schwing! Her eyes fuse into one. Bloorp!

VANILLA

Wow!

She looks around and her POV is now 2D.

A wild chase ensues through Jacks Kingdom of One-Eyes. Everything has or is a play on “one eye” with a royal twist. Vanilla gets to see what it’s like to be a pawn in a world of strange games.

Eventually, Vanilla gets the hang of this place and begins to fit right in and manipulate the strange world to her advantage. Jack, on the other hand, gets a stomach-ache from the candy gambling pieces he had eaten earlier and he can’t continue. Out of breath, he and Vanilla sit for a moment and reflect on the world Jack has created. Vanilla says as she looks around

VANILLA

Man…. you One-Eyed Jacks are really wild!

KNAVE

Thanks you’re a pretty crazy 8 year old also.

Vanilla has an epiphany.

She and the Jack turn their heads towards each other at the same time in recognition, as Jack also sees the light. Vanilla extends a pack of TUMS to the Jack and he accepts.

Vanilla solves the story’s riddle and explains to the Jack, how he is important and unique but also part of a greater whole. She realizes it’s only natural for him to be acting “wild” because that’s what One Eyed Jacks are in Go-Stud!, wild cards. She had forgotten this rule. The fact that the Jack can be whatever he wants gives him the sense of freedom and self worth he’s been looking for without being tied to a “one eyed world”, which has become more management than action these days.

So ~ he’s wooed by the idea that he’s calling the shots and returns to the game.

Zap back to Vanilla at the card table with Mr. Enjoyable.

Looking at her cards in a whole new way, Vanilla lays her hand down in front of Mr. Enjoyable with a big smile and beats his two pair with a full house!

VANILLA

Sorry Mr. E, but that One-Eyed Jack just

put me over the top. wink. wink.

END